Third Post. [Happy December]

I got nominated "Most Hyper" of my senior class today. I wonder if I should be offended or not. Oh well, it's not like I care; I get to be in the yearbook for the first time.

"It's only awkward once you start thinking it is. And when you think it is, just smile and try again".

While running errands in the hallways, I managed to glimpse a reflection of myself in a door leading outside. I slowed down for a little bit; allowed myself to familiarize myself with the image. Of course no one was in the hallways at the time, so no one had to wonder why I was being so narcissistic all of a sudden. What I realized at that one moment in time was I couldn't recognize myself. I looked...different.

Sometimes you can't describe something, and instead you can only feel it described within your own range of emotions. Kinda like carrying a baby and excitedly saying "It kicked"! People can only nod, acknowledge your feelings, and go on with life. The closer ones might be able to come over and share a small portion of your feelings, but that's about it. Close, but no cigar. When that reflection reflected back at me, it was like I had gotten pregnant but I didn't have anyone to describe or share it with. Which is probably for the better.

I couldn't recognize myself...it was different. I thought it was someone else in that doorway, that maybe it had been open and maybe another five foot seven-ish inches of Filipino, Spanish, and Chinese had maybe magically transferred itself in to the open air and began imitating my actions.

There's a funny point in life, accented in mine a little more than some, a lot less than most, when you realized things are different. I constantly compare then and now, and because of that, I tend to say things like "That was three years ago...Oh crap. That was a whole three years ago", which usually makes older and "more mature" folk scoff and think something along the lines of "Wait 'till you're older". Sometimes they lose touch of what it felt like being young.

Two years ago, I was immature. I was clueless. Ignorant. Simply put, I was stupid. Not saying that I won't make a questionable/dumb choice every now and then, but at one specific moment in time, lasting a few months long, I was shoved in to the "process of maturing" by a number of very good people.

This school year has only lasted 2 months, and yet I feel like I've already spent a good 2 extra years in high school. My parents used to not trust me walking to the river for an hour or two, and now I leave home at six in the morning and I don't get back until ten. Like today. Things have changed.

Sometimes, when we see our reflections, we see changes, we see our scars, our hopes, and what we've been given to work with now. Sometimes we just see our reflections to make it "pretty". But more than sometimes, we forget that it's not what we show outside that changes all that much.

I looked at my reflection today and realized it wasn't it that had changed; in fact, it was perfectly the same. What changed was how I looked at it, how I took in my scars, my hopes, and my current work/benefit package. What changed wasn't my reflection, but me.

Change is horrifying. It's shocking and most of the time, quite absurd-feeling. But whether that change is for you or against you, life has a way of giving you a choice to either smile at your reflection, or break the mirror. Some just draw on the surface, but in the end, the lines and marks will just wash away.

Whatever comes through your life, I hope you can keep that smile on.

Stay afloat world.
☮♥