Vent Session 3 .

All right. Let's forget about all this normal formatting and styling of my posts. I need to get this off my chest. If you don't know me and you're reading this, I am well aware of the fact that I'm going to come off as conceited, but as a stranger, I'll confide with you anyway.

You know. I love it how people say "be careful what you wish for". I've realized that no matter what you wish for, there will always be a downfall to it, no matter how you think it'll benefit you or others, someone will always get the short end of the stick. 

I suffer from something I'd like to call Superman Syndrome. Ever since I've taken on my dream of inspiring others, of making the world a better place and all that cheesy whatnot shit, I've run in to this more and more. 

I'm lonely.

I'm insecure.

It's kinda funny because even if you do "know" me, you're probably sitting there shaking your head asking what more can I ask for, I've got friends, lovers, talent, blah blah blah, what do I have to be insecure about? 

This is where I share even more than I've shared to the public. 

It's a funny deal when your name rings a bell whenever its mentioned in your high school or city, when people your own age look up to you like your not just as screwed up as everyone else. It's lonely. I've been placed on the first place pedestal, and everyone's applauding, but after the lights turn off, it's like I disappear. Behind all the lights, the fame, the dream, I'm a person. Just a person that nobody seems to see anymore. To them, I'm not a person. I'm that figure on that pedestal. And to them, to you, that's all I am; a figure that doesn't have his own personal problems to have to worry about considering he's so hellbent on fixing all the other big problems in the world that people don't pay attention to but since he is, woo, I'll support this figure. 

As much as I love to say I deserve this first place spot, I can't say it... I'm always worried I'm going to let you down..

I've been called talented, inspiring, I've been called superman. But underneath it all, I'm fighting constantly to live up to a name I'm not sure I can even meet. I've been promoted, and now I've become "intimidating" because of it, and because of that, have become even more alone.

I know it's only going to get worse. My dream needs me to be this figure. My dream needs me to handle the pressure. My dream needs me to get used to being lonely.


All I've asked in return is one person to love, one person to understand the person, not the figure. I love someone now. I have such high hopes for us. I really do. But frankly, I don't think she understands. But I love her enough to go back to square one. I'll never be able to explain to her this feeling, and I'm sure that you're quite confused right now, babe, but if you ask me about this, I won't be able to explain it to you. Just know I'm willing to do anything and everything for us, and if it means shoving down my fears, insecurities, pains, and all the other person shit in me, I'll do it.


I've chosen to chase a dream that asks for me to be put on a pedestal, and to truly be in this dream, I need to be selfless, to forget me, to be the figure.


I need to eliminate the person.